Lay over Mike

Mike Barnicle never ever fails me....just when I think that he has maxed out his capacity for shrill Bush hagiography, he digs down deep to display new heretofore unknown depths of servility.
This does raise the exciting possibility that Mike may never ever exhaust the wellsprings of his embarrassing sycophancy....and thank Ghod too, without Mike this blog would be a wane wasted thing.
Yeah he was on Imus today, and give Barnicle credit....he reached a new career high in gruesome Presidential toadying...and this is Mike "I love the guy for who he is" Barnicle we are talking about!
He was fairly writhing with raw ecstasy about Bush's flight to the Aircraft Carrier Abraham Lincoln yesterday calling it a "cool thing to do" and cooing "he looked at home on that flight deck".
Mike exulted that Bush wasn't "faking it like Clinton"....here Barnicle betrays how far behind the current political zeitgeist he is...the quest for "authenticity" is very much the hot punditariat buzz word of 1999...these days we are supposedly all hung up on security.
But it's Bush's fabled authenticity that still causes Mike's knees to weaken and tremble....
Of course Bush could be faking this vague camaraderie with our soldiers that so impressed the Daily News columnist, I mean how would Mike know?
Bush may be simply better at the pretense of ease than other politicians.
Barnicle has always displayed a laughable amount of raw credulity when it comes to the President and somehow that credulity trebled in size when GWB's plane touched down on the carrier.
Frankly Bush has two accomplishments to his name prior to seizing the U.S. Presidency. One is he allegedly quit drinking (on this I have my doubts, but what the hey) and the other is he dodged the draft by using his family's influence to get him a safe billet in the Air National Guard.
You would think that glaring little factoid might condition some of Mike's loud atonal truckling, but no....takes one to know one though after all, Barnicle somehow managed himself to avoid combat duty overseas back in the 1960's.
The problem with Mike and his hero George Bush is, they both come from out a particularly loud and shameless generation that was not noted for it's capacity for self awareness. Therefore screeching the praises of a draft dodger who looked like "Mr. Freedom" in that flight suit ensemble never comes off as hypocritical or even the slightest bit ironic.
This when they whole crew (Mike, Imus and the I-man's deadbeat on-air posse) wasn't dicking on Bill Clinton snickering like a bunch of teenaged girls at the how foolish the former president would look in a nice navy flight suit.
It may be that these poor hammerheads need to make that facile comparison because they comprehend even on an unconscious level the pathetic neediness and silliness of this elaborate photo op.
But again who knows....the green flight suit and oxygen mask seems to have really overawed them all on some repressed unpleasant level. No doubt if Bush had shown up in a second empire Marshal's uniforms Barnicle and the gang might've fallen over in a swoon.
Harry Truman and Dwight Eisenhower didn't need to go parading around in uniform to impress the yokels...they'd a guffawed long and loud at the preening spectacle Bush made of himself yesterday.
Oh wait...Ike and Harry both heard shots fired in anger....I forget these things.

Nope...Mike's voice merely goes up a full octave as he hyperventilated with helpless worship at the manly figure Bush allegedly cut on that flight deck. By this point Barnicle was sounding like the screechiest of "N-Sync" fans....a disturbing adolescent tone crept into his monologue. It started sounding decidedly unmasculine despite all the fulsome bombast.
Well you know what they say, self pleasure is the most reliable of all....
At that point, I smelled something new, something that seemingly wafted from out my car radio's speakers. It was the unmistakable odor of Mike's shriveled and dwarfed dignity roasting merrily on the fires of his victory celebration.
Now never let it be said that Mike Barnicle wasn't willing to strip down to a loincloth, don war paint and feathered bonnet and whooping around the Imus campfire yelping like an Apache...
it's been a tough long war for the blue collar sage of Acton Ma. too y' know.
He needs to cut loose...

Such is the Kingdom of Heaven
On the Congressionally Licensed Public Airwaves
and elsewhere
Anno Domini 5-2-03
7:49am EST