My Holiday Column...

The worst thing about Christmas is listening to Frank Sinatra singing the seasonal standards over the PA system in Macy's.
If there is one artist less in synch with the holiday zeitgeist it is ole' Blue Eyes.
His version of "Jingle Bells" sounds like he was forced to sing it at gun-point.
Musically, the only time Sinatra is "faking it" is when he is trying to put forth the mask of seasonal gaiety.
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The season has it's cultural pitfalls make no mistake about it.
A friend relates that he brought his two sons to see a "great Santa Claus" at the Burlington Mall this weekend, at a cost of a mere two and a half hour wait.
I mused to myself, just what is a "great" Mall Santa Claus?
Not having seen this guy's act I couldn't say and neither could my friend owing to the state of enervation that lingers after such a task.
The killer is, my friend is Jewish....and a proud Zionist as well.
And who else but a Zionist would wait half a morning to undermine his four year old's sense of cultural-religious identity?
This couldn't be funnier to me if he was a Trotskyite quite frankly.
Well what of it, the jolly old fellow went over big with the kids and Papa and Momma are off the hook for another twelve months.
Maybe the Jews need a character to help put over the Festival of Lights bigtime?
They have a rich collection of luminaries to elevate to Saint Nick-dom...hell the Jewish walk of Fame stretches out seven miles and gets longer every week!
Howabout "Eli the Channukah Cowboy"?
Rides through the walls on his magic horse dropping off holiday treats to all good sons and daughters of Abraham.
Yup a cowpoke for the holiday seasons' that'll put a nice spin on the whole mishaugas!
Spins a mean draydl with his lariat, tips lavishly....this could be big I tells yuh!
:)