Come let us be joyful...

Before the DNC is overwhelmed by the Bay State's traditional envy and self loathing, I'd like to make a few idle suggestions to make the confab pleasant, agreeable and exciting for our guests and all decent citizens of the Commonwealth.

Since Storrow Drive will be shut down for the whole mishaugas, why not make good use of the empty roadway and stage and old fashioned Roman chariot race for the delectation of the delegates and home viewers?
Rock ribbed democratic constituencies could challenge one another, the AFL-CIO versus the Congressional Black Caucus perhaps. The winners gain a laurel crown lowered onto their noggins by none other than Terry McAuliffe himself.
Lay out a primitive obstacle course under the Green Line's elevated tracks and allow local volunteers to run the gamut for yet another laurel crown.
Local amateur athletes should be encouraged to assemble and make a specimen of their abilities, especially if their chosen field is classical in nature i.e. the discus or the javelin.
Antics like this will demonstrate to the nation that the democrats take seriously what Norman Mailer once labeled "the adventure gap" in American life.
The work of a national political convention can easily be completed in the course of a three day weekend. The delegates merely ratify the outcome of the primaries...these five day festivals are mostly concerned with image shaping and whomping a platform together. I also suspect that both parties stick to the five day convention plan largely in order to reap some free advertising off the TV network who normally gouge top dollar for political advertisements.
As such, there is a lot of down time at these conventions. I say set up a nice squared circle on the floor of the Fleet Center and invite some reliable pro-wrestlers to grapple in between platform votes.
Get Randy "The Macho Man" Savage-he is old but fit as a fiddle and his demented narcissist act never gets tiresome.
Then hire Doink the Clown, or whoever owns Doink's persona these days. He plays a decadent little bastard everyone hates him...a match with the Macho Man will go over big-time with bored and stressed out delegates.

Since half of Boston plans to board up and flee to Hampton Beach or West Dennis it may well fall to the push cart peddlers to keep the DNC fed, thirst-free and entertained.
I say ring the Fleet Center with our best and brightest hustlers this will be a good way to spread some cashola around to the very lowest end of the local retail economy.
There ought to be push carts for soft drinks, sausages, popcorn, used books(romance novels, those will sell big I predict), the latest magazines, political pamphlets....and don't forget to let Brother Blue and the local buskers through the cordon. They will class up the joint pretty quickly.
At the very least let us send out a call for all local jugglers to assemble by the main entrance on the first day of deliberations.
Since streets are closed let us dance in them....jazz ensembles should be drafted ASAP...we've got local country and western acts fah gawd's sake let them serenade as they file in.
My point is, since we are wallowing in self loathing, can't we at least pretend to have a good time?
If for no other reason than to fool the rest of the country into thinking that we are a light hearted laughter loving bunch here in Boston.