The Keyes to the Kingdom

Just imagine, if the GOP’s own citizen psychopathAlan Keyes gets his ass whipped in the Illinois senate race that the battyblack republican will still have time to qualify for the notional race toreplace John Kerry here in the Commonwealth!

If Romney is willingto foist a yapping poodle like Kerry Healey on the Bay State, why wouldn’the bring in a fabulous freakjob like Alan? As far as Romney rationality goes,it is a slam dunk!

I mean that, Alan could make a whole career offlitting from state to state; running doomed campaigns for senate, the governorship,congress, animal control officer…public exploder….any place where the oddsare long and the microphones are on.

Beats the hell out of endlessly pitching new chat shows to low rated cable news networks….and the fundraising potential WOWWEEE!
If you could reconcile yourself to living on busses and airplanes a good living can be made from being a professional candidate.

Seriouslythough, Alan IS crazier than the proverbial shit house rat. When he announcedlast week that he was running for Pete Fitzgerald’s senate seat he immediatelyentered a sort of screechy fugue state-I half expected Ambassador Keyes tothreaten the use of his heat vision on the press corpse.
But oh he is a car-wreck of a man, a better demagogue than even Rick Santorum and certifiably nuts in the bargain.
What more could anyone want?

Wellthis is the inevitable consequence of both sides’ relentless nationalizationof statewide campaigns…in New York it has yielded up Hilary Clinton, in MassachusettsMitt Romney. The wave seems to have crested and receded tossing up on thebeach yowling and incoherent one Alan Keyes.

Of course if the IllinoisGOP could’ve found ONE African American willing to make the race, then Alanwould still be sweating and pitching bad chat show ideas to the Torpor Networkon cable.
Alas the Land of Lincoln’s republican party is short on diversityand so a player must be brought up from the Maryland minor leagues.

Thankfullythough, for all us students of public dementia, Alan is in this thing flyingmonkeys and all. And if it all goes to smash and the Republic goes up insmoke rest assured he will be there.

Meanwhile I wonder if it is legal to take up a collection to buy Ambassador Keyes a nice classy looking straitjacket?
Y’know…something spiffy and secure that will put the carriage trade at ease when fundraising time comes around.

Such is the Kingdom of Heaven
On the congressionally licensed airwaves
And elsewhere
8-11-04
God Save the Republic
God Save the Commonwealth